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Thursday, December 20, 2012

Adventure 9: The adventure-less adventure, plus a bump, and how I keep my sanity...

I wrote this a few days ago... but my lack of strong internet connectivity kept me from posting.

All of these bump pictures were taken
yesterday, (12/19/12), as we near
30 weeks.  Lono's tail makes
a brief appearance as it wags its
way in to the living room.  (He's
always trying to get in every
picture someway
or another).
I don't cry. I never cry. I'm lying... I never CRIED... Until about 2 months ago. I cry about once every two weeks while looking at my vision board, reading over my bucket list, and watching travel documentaries I've rented from the local library. In between those emotional longings for exotic adventures and huge wastes of AngelSoft toilet paper, my mind is having a raging battle of whether I should eat a few scoops of the world's greatest Roselani Chocolate Macadamia Nut Ice Cream or one of the world's best organic oranges given to us from my husband's co-officer's orange tree. I don't even know why I have that thought process at all because I'll obviously choose the ice cream to drown my pathetic sorrows, but I guess I needed to think of the healthier alternative just to pat myself on the back for considering it. And when I'm done, I'll carefully and lovingly read over 50 recipes to find ideas on what to make for dinner 5 hours from now because the kitchen holds the gold key to my sanity these days. And after THAT, I'll check the Fox News report on my phone for the 10th time today, trying to find out more about the 26 people, mostly 6-7 year old children, who were shot yesterday by a disturbed 20 year old boy.

Momma, baby Reise, and her guard dogs.   :)
I read about it, not because I want to add to the growing publicity of such heinous crimes, but rather because I feel compelled to understand as a parent, yet I feel completely ignorant, somewhat foolish and ashamed. I have no clue what the parents of the 20 children are feeling or going through. As Facebook explodes with sorrow, anger, concerns of gun laws, school safety, mental health care, and an endless list of my peer parents who are tearful and deeply affected because they have placed themselves in the shoes of those who have lost their miniature loved ones, I feel my baby trying to gain my acknowledgement with a few kicks and jabs to my stomach after I've just given her an ice cream sugar rush overload. Even then, I cannot understand being a parent. I still cannot relate somehow...

I'm slowly losing my belly button.  I joke
that it went from a regular adult sized
swimming pool to a very shallow
kiddie pool.   :)

I feel her, I see her movements, and I definitely see this visible belly that has grown into a half basketball in the past 7 months, but in some way she is still just an imaginary friend destined to steal all my sanity. From doctor's scares, (risks of Down's Syndrome to having contractions at 6 months), to being forced to drink large amounts of water, (my family literally called me a “camel” as a little girl because I had to be forced to drink liquids or I'd likely have dehydrated myself), to the hardest part of all... resting. I hear that when I meet her, the clarity and love will hit me full force and then I will understand all this waiting... all this resting. Those tears I've shed for lack of adventure and activity were selfish, I know. I should be grateful she's a living thing inside of me... Some are not so fortunate.

Just one of the may things you can
find on my bucket list/vision
board.  A recent addition,
hangliding in Brazil.
Rio De Janeiro
to be exact.

When I think back to meeting my husband, the falling in love, the marriage proposal followed by the talk of having a child, I expressed only one concern at every angle; a repetitive discussion for each new chapter for us. “Will we still travel? Will we still hike? Will we still surf? Will we still go camping? Can I still be me because ME is not a stay at home housewife who enjoys scrapbooking...” I would get specific, “How about Ireland? What about hiking the full trail at Haleakala? Europe? South Pacific surf trip? Stand up paddling? Alaska? The Appalachian Trail?” Now the later I understand will have to wait because taking a child on a 2,000 mile hike is extreme, but we both agreed that we would be our own trend-setters... that we would be a traveling, adventurous family and would not listen to the nay-sayers who insist, “It all comes to an abrupt end when you have a child”.

Now, at 7 months pregnant, I feel imprisoned in paradise. So stupid, so selfish, so immature, I know... but I'm a little hormonal, give me a break. The surf has been good lately, but I can't risk “falling the wrong way”. The sky has been outrageously starry, but hiking 19 miles into a Manhattan sized crater is “too risky if something went wrong and we needed to get help”. Zipline companies wont take a pregnant chick, though there seems to be no real danger. I feel I've become a liability to the world, like I've got some illness that requires I do nothing. To top it off, the swell has been so good that the water has been to rough to go stand up paddling AND I can't even drink wine to chill my hyper-active self out... So instead, we go for walks, volley at tennis, take the dogs to the beach, but mostly... I cook.

My therapist at the new house.  I don't know
what to do with all the space, but I sure
do love cooking somewhere that I
know has seen many cooks before
me.  This is a very old house.
I've always cooked and have always loved cooking. If I had to scratch my own back about one thing, it would be my hand at food magic. I have taken on the kitchen by storm, creating dishes from all over the world, from tonight's honey dijon pecan crusted salmon with cannellini bean soup, to yesterday's carbenara, to spicy exotic curry's, to ginger garlic chicken with rice, to a sensational meatloaf that Jun compliments by saying, “This is the best meatloaf I've ever had... It doesn't taste like Alpo dog food... It's sooo good!”So the menu is infinity and beyond, and rarely to never repeated unless Jun requests one of his personal favorites. Cooking has kept me sane. Dear kitchen, fresh local ingredients, my herb garden, and all delicious consumables; Thank you.  Love, Danielle

As for opinions and my take on all the issues and arguments that have arisen from the recent shootings;

Gun Control- I feel automatic weapons and military rifles should only be issued to persons in law enforcement and in the military, and those persons should be psychologically evaluated and tested before being issued one. If you are a hunter, you only need a single shot weapon and a little bit of target practice. If I can kill a deer with one shot with a bow and arrow, you sure as hell should be able to figure out how to hunt with a single shot gun.... Just sayin'.

Mental Health Care- It should be WAY easier to have access too and covered by most, if not all, insurances as it is an illness. If a child or any person threatens someone else's life, even if it's only verbally, that person should ALWAYS be addressed and evaluated... period.

My own issue that I believe goes hand in hand with Mental Health... 

How eerie is this image taken
from a video game?  It gives
me the chills all over to
think that kids enjoy
earning points for
Video Games- Every time I read about these shootings, it seems that almost every one of the killers is some sort of a “genius” gamer. Games are becoming so violently realistic that they are not only training them how to kill, but they are also giving them the experience of blood, death, and glory, (also known as points), for the kill, numbing them to what to most of us is the unthinkable. Some people have a real life addiction to games such as “World of Warcraft”, where they play with other live players and develop their own character. To some of us, video games are just that... games. To others, they are their other persona, their “cooler life”; one where they have power... Power they wish they had over the bullies, the teachers, the world. If a person has a gaming addiction, let that be a HUGE red flag. Already there is a fascination with weapons and killing... 

Can't there be some way to find these people and help them before the virtual world becomes the real world? Or are parents just so grateful to have them out of their hair that the games seem a blessing?

School Safety- If someone wants to kill people, they will find a way. As long as the staff and children know how to react in a bad situation, I think education is the key to keeping as many people safe as possible.

President Obama- I not only voted for him both elections, but I also door to door campaigned for him the first election. I'm a proud supporter but I'm also not one to pollute my facebook with political jargon. If you like me, accept me. It's a free country. =)

An ad that popped up on my Words With Friends
account.  Just another game that makes me sick.
Having young girls go into a fictional world
where they can be popular and pretty.
Life is about so much more than
popularity.  Take it from a real
life dork....

Therapist picture #2.

With Love and Aloha,
Danielle (Q.B.)


  1. Wow sis, this was about as serious as I've ever heard you. Some deep issues are occurring in our world each and everyday and it's truly a scary thought to rise a child in today's society. But we as parents can teach our kids the right and positive way to live so they know right and wrong.
    Oh, and the pics are amazing! I love them!

  2. Danielle, this post was amazing. AMAZING. I have so much respect for you, and you keep surprising me every time. I am in awe of you. I want everyone to read this. I really really hope to see you next week when I'm THERE!


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